I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
