i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
