I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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