This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
