Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
