She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
