need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
