nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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