No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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