My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
porn star boner night. come get it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
