i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
