I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
