So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
