Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
