i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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