Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
