so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My pussy is not your playground.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
