I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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