We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
