I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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