The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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