My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
