Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
