I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
