Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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