i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize