I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
