You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
