our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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