i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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