i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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