I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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