Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
