Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
