i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
