The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
