The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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