well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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