He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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