im six kinds of drunk right now
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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