i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
