Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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