I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Someone stole a lamp last night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
