Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
