It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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