In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
