Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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