What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
