i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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