At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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