The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
