Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
