isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
