I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
