weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
