I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Let's paint friendship bongs
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
