Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
