if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
