omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
