so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
