This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize