New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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