Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
