I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
