I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
