Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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