note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
