a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize