We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
