i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
