1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
