I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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